Finding Normal

Back home in Ketchikan, I had routine. I knew when to wake up. I knew how to dress, where to go, what to do. I knew when to go home, when to eat, when to go to bed. I didn't even have to think about it. My choices were determined by what day of the week it was. Saturday and Sunday were reserved to cram as much life into 48 hours that you could; time with the kids, time with the pet, time with your partner, time with yourself. Then it's Monday again. And you didn't even get the laundry done.

That's all changed now. I have to think about what it is I am going to do today. "Easy task," you may say, "Just give me the option." As pathetic as it may sound, it can be a chore to keep yourself busy. It's kind of like deciding what to cook for dinner 365 days of the year. I don't mind cooking, I just hated being the one to decide what to cook every day. Some days I wanted to say to my family, "I'm not cooking until someone tells me what to cook." Being creative or trying to please others with food was the difficult part.

Staying busy is important. It gives purpose. Stimulation. Drive. Creativity, exploration, and learning is all part of life. It's up to me now and I need each component for a healthy lifestyle. I'm only one week into my new adventure and I already feel the importance of staying active. I awoke today with a sense of emptiness. This was new to me. I've taken many two or three week road trip vacations. Never felt empty. It's different when you are looking at an open calendar. What is my new normal? What will my new routines be? I now understand why retirees return to work. We are conditioned to follow a set schedule of obligations.

It's time to redefine self. With the absence of family and friends, you only have yourself to rely on. I must call upon what is important to me and not let it go to wayside. Even a sabbatical takes work. Make it count. Do something. I need to feel good about myself, my choices, before lying down to bed each night. I need to discover my new normal.